


Is There an Ending to this Madness?

by bunforpresident



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Body Horror, Confusion, Death, Doctors & Physicians, Drowning, Drug Use, Drugs, Ghosts, Hallucinations, Hard to Understand, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I'm very sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jamilton (Only for like two seconds), Lams - Freeform, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Multiple Universes Colliding, Murder, Needles, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Oops, Other, Plot Twists, Psychological Horror, Schizophrenia, Sex, Twisted, Violence, i think thats it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunforpresident/pseuds/bunforpresident
Summary: "Doctor? Someone here says he knows your patient?""Send him in.""Oh my god... He looks horrible. How long has be been in here?""A week now. How do you know him?""He's my husband-- I'm John Laurens Hamilton.""Why haven't you gotten here earlier?""I was in South Carolina with my family. I've texted him every day and he responded-""He wouldn't let us take his phone. He's had it with him the whole time. He wasn't acting suspicious to you?""Not at all!""Hm... Well, I'm guessing you want to know what's happened.""God damnit, yes! Just fucking tell me--""Neighbors found him crawling in the street. They said he was screaming, and threatening to kill himself if someone didn't do it themselves.""Why would he-""We found a trace of this... This drug we call Vynerine."





	Is There an Ending to this Madness?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very confusing story to say the least.  
> It... Doesn't make a lot of sense but that was what I was going for.

        Alexander could feel the cold wall on his bare back. It was colder than he thought it would be, too. It forced goosebumps to pop up on the skin of his arms. Alexander had his eyes closed, but he still knew what he would see in front of him if they were open. He would see the opening to the living room, which had a couch and a table and a television. He would see a hallway, where he knew held doors to his room, a bathroom, and a spare room. Most importantly, though, Alexander would see a man in front of him. A tall man, one he's loved for years on end.  
        The man had the most perfect eyes, a light, caramel brown with specks of green and a dark brown. His eyelashes were long, and his eyebrows perfectly angled over his eyes. His hairline, it dips around his forehead, framing his face perfectly. His nose, which Alexander recalls kissing multiple times over the years, had a wonderful slope, it was a perfect size, too. And his lips--Oh, his lips. Alexander could write pages about how his lips made him feel. His lips were a beautiful, plump pink. And when he smiled? His teeth were a dazzling white, they would be blinding if they were any whiter. His smile was always pretty, even a little crooked, but Alexander loved it all the same. Then his chin, it has that dimple in the middle of it, and then it turns into a strong jawline. His ears, perked gently, hair curled around them. Followed by his neck, strong and sturdy, the same as his shoulders. His shoulders gave way to his arms. His arms, you could see the muscles in almost any shirt he wore. And his forearm, sometimes Alexander could see that vein popping out. His hands were large; large enough to make Alexander's back look tiny. His chest was strong, showing off his abs that he's worked on perfecting for so many years. Alexander loved running his hands down his chest, letting his fingers dip into each muscle. His hips weren't feminine, but they were surely there. His thighs, they were strong like the rest of him, yet large too. Alexander loved squeezing the skin there. And then his calves, they were muscular too. His back was beautiful, and Alexander adored when he got to press his face into his back, pressing kisses along his spine. And his hair, Alexander could never forget his hair. It was a magnificent deep brown. It was curly, wrapped around his face, like a bow on a gift.  
        Alexander takes a deep breath, being able to smell the other, too. He smelled like a gentle deodorant spray mixed with gunpowder. Slowly, Alexander opens his eyes so he could get a real look at the man in front of him. With a grin, he sees him smile back to him. But then he's gone. Alexander darts his eyes around, his smile fading. He wraps his arms around his middle, shuddering.  
        He hated this. Hated when it felt so real. Hated when he thought he was back. But Alexander knows as well as everyone that John is gone. John has been gone for two years, yet Alexander still felt him sometimes. He felt him hug him at night, felt him kiss his lips when he was alone, felt him hold his hand when he walked. Sometimes he saw him, like he had just now. Sometimes he could get a whiff of John's old deodorant, one that isn't even sold in stores anymore. Sometimes he heard him, too. He heard him whisper into his ear as he fell asleep, hear him whisper to tell him to go to bed when he was up too late, heard him whisper to him to remind him to eat something. Alexander swears on his life that he's had a conversation with John before, a John he could see through, a John with a voice so soft it was never above a whisper, a John who would hug him if he cried.   
        When he told this to one of his friends, Elizabeth, well the next thing he knew he was getting a call from the doctor's office. They wanted him to come in for a checkup. Alexander did, figuring nothing of it. Though the doctor's asked him questions; questions about how he was doing mentally. When Alexander got mad, they sent him to a mental hospital, for two weeks. While there, Alexander had two blood tests, an MRI, and he was given a variety of medications. They diagnosed him with Schizophrenia, and finally decided on a pill that made Alexander feel heavy, made him tired, made him feel no motivation. He was discharged, and sent home with his friend Hercules. He was not allowed to be somewhere without someone for the time being--the doctors said it was for his safety. So Alexander had a room in Hercules' home, and for the next week he barely left that room.   
        Alexander decided that he hated the pills he was given. He dumped them down the toilet, flushing them. After two days without his pills, Alexander felt better. He began acting like his old self again. Everyone was happy to see this. Yet, four days after he stopped taking his pills, John was back. It wasn't a good thing, though. The second he saw John, tears were pouring from his eyes. He jumped up from the couch where he was sitting with Eliza and Hercules. He wraps his arms around John, nuzzling his face into his neck. Alexander heard Eliza and Hercules voice their concern. But he didn't budge. He just stayed with John, hugging him and swaying gently. John was whispering little 'I love you's into his ear, and Alexander repeated the words back to him.   
        Alexander wasn't sure how long he had been hugging John. Though at one point, he felt a second pair of arms wrap around him. He turns to see men dressed in white. Then he feels John leaving his grip. Alexander screams, fighting at the arms on him to try and make his way back to John. At this, John fades away, and Alex feels a sharp pain pierce in his neck. Seconds later, the world goes dark.  
        When Alexander wakes up, he feels a rocking, like he was on a boat. His ears were ringing loudly. He looks around, seeing the sky a dark yellow, green and purple. Then he feels water splash onto his face. Was he really on a boat? He moves onto his hands and knees before finally noticing he was on a makeshift raft. The ringing in his ears leaves him, and now all he heard was the water, and screaming. Why was there screaming? Alexander looks up from the raft to see bodies floating in the water. He sees people drowning in the distance. He also notices a body on the raft. He slowly crawls to the body, turning it so he could see the face.  
        Well, whoever the person was surely wasn't alive anymore. Critters and pests were eating away at the skin, already halfway through her eyeballs, and tongue too. Something snaps in Alexander, and the ragged face brings back a memory. That was his mother. His mother was on the raft, being eaten by bugs. Alexander lets out a scream, kicking her body off the raft. He watches it float away. As he shakes, he looks around, hoping to see something that could be to his use. He hears his name being called, then, and whips his head around to see who was calling him. He spots someone swimming towards the raft. He helps them on, wiping rubbish off of them. As Alexander finally gets a look to the other's face, he was able to tell it was Thomas, one of his old frienemies. He may have sort of hated the guy, but at least he knew him, at least he was alive.   
        Thomas grabbed Alexander's shirt, tugging him into a kiss. Alexander was shocked, not moving for a few seconds before trying to pull away. Thomas pushes Alexander back, wrapping a hand around his throat. Alexander feels Thomas' free hand run over his crotch. Alexander kicks furiously, trying to get Thomas off of him. Thomas then shoves his hand into Alexander's pants, gripping onto his cock. This basically forces Alexander's mind to short circuit. He could feel Thomas' hand slowly begin to pump over him. Alexander raises his arms up, pushing his fingers into the black hair and tugging Thomas down into a rough, teeth-clashing kiss. Alexander then pulls away so he could gasp for air. When he opens his eyes, Thomas wasn't there anymore. Instead, a skeleton stuck in the position Thomas previously was in, was hovering over him.   
        Alexander sees a hand, it was only bones, so it had to have been the skeleton's hand. He sees the hand shove Alexander's head over the side of the raft. The bone-y hand presses against his face, pushing his head underwater. Alexander tries pushing the skeleton away, screaming. But the skeleton wouldn't budge an inch. Alexander sobbed out, not being able to hold his breath for much longer. He inhales water, feeling it fill his longs. It burns inside of him.  
        Then Alexander is being pulled up, out of the water. He gasps for air, coughing heavily. He wasn't on the water anymore, he notices between coughing fits. He sees tile on the ground, and a toilet, and a sink. He looks up to see the faces of Eliza and Hercules. They were yelling, asking him 'Why would you do that?'. Alexander furrows his eyebrows, confused. What did he do? Yet before he could voice anything, he felt Eliza's hands wrap around his throat. He was pushed back into the tub, water filling his lungs yet again as he gasped in fear. He passes out, he thinks from the pain in his lungs rather than the water.  
        Of course, Alexander wakes up again. He felt fine, now, albeit a little stiff in his back. He moves to get up, but something had been preventing him from doing that. He looks down to himself. Alexander notices he was wearing a hospital gown. He also notices that leather straps where keeping him held to the table. Alexander tugs at his limbs, trying to free himself. After probably ten minutes of trying, Alexander gives up. He lays back, sighing. Then he hears a familiar whisper. He looked back up, seeing John undoing the straps from around him. When Alexander was free, he sits up, pulling John into a tight hug. Though, John tells him that he has to go, and slowly fades away yet again. Alexander frowns, but gets off the table. He was barefoot, and the floor was freezing. But he didn't want to be in this room any longer. He pushes open a metal door, peeking out. Outside the door was a long hallway, empty and dark. Alexander slowly begins his way down the hallway. He had his eyes trained on a door with a sign above it flashing 'EXIT'. He hears something behind him, so he turns to see what was making the noise. He spots two people walking out of the room he was in before. Alexander locks eyes with them, noticing that the two were some old friends of his, Lafayette and James. Alexander looks back to the exit sign, and then back to Lafayette and James. Though now, they were speed-walking towards him, their faces' stone with anger. Alexander's eyes widens, and he turns, bolting towards the exit door. He pushes past it, only to see an identical hallway after. He looks back, seeing that the two men were gaining foot to him. Alexander begins running down the hallway, pushing through the next door. The next hallway was the same, as was the next and the next. Alexander was slowly running out of breath, his legs burning. He spares a glance behind him, seeing that Lafayette and James were gone. He stops running, letting out an exhausted sigh. He bends over, hands on his knees as he heaves in air. After a couple minutes, Alexander stands up straight. He slowly walks to the next exit door, opening it up and walking through. At the end of the hallway he sees Lafayette and James. With a scream, Alexander turns around, pushing at the door. It wouldn't open, though. He tries and tries again, but then his two friends were only a yard away. James covers Alexander's mouth with a cloth, and Lafayette pinches his nose shut. Alexander takes a deep breath, chemicals following into his mouth. His head felt heavy, and his eyes fluttered closed.  
        Alexander wakes up with a start, sitting up and scanning the room he was in. He lets out a sign of relief when he notices he was in his own bed, in his own room. He lays back, rubbing his face. Groaning, he sprawls out on his bed. That was some nightmare he had. After a while of relaxing, his door opens, and he notices Eliza's standing there. She asks if he was doing alright, since last night he seemed to be turning and thrashing a lot in his bed. Alexander tells her it was just a nightmare, and thanks her for worrying. Eliza tells Alexander that breakfast was ready, and he should come out to eat. Alexander does so, leaving his room and following her to the kitchen. There, he sees Hercules plating an omelette. He greets him with a 'Good morning', and in response the omelette was set into his hands. Alexander thanks him, grabbing a fork and shuffling his way to the dining table. He begins to cut his food, but Hercules then pulls his plate away. He uses a steak knife to begin cutting Alexander's omelette. Alexander furrows his eyebrows, looking up to Hercules. Hercules just smiles to him, humming. He says something about how 'You aren't able to cut this correctly. Let me do it'. Though his voice wasn't normally how it sounded. Alexander growls, standing up. Eliza asks him what was wrong, but he doesn't acknowledge this. He pulls the knife out of Hercules' hand. Hercules slaps his hand across Alexander's face. When Alexander looks back at him again, he steps back, eyes going wide. Instead of his friend, his father stood there, snarling. Alexander grips the knife tightly before shoving it into his father's stomach. He twists it before pulling it out, and shoving it back in. He hears Eliza screaming, so he pushes his father aside, who now looked like Hercules again, so he could grab Elizabeth by her shirt. He pulls her close to him and shoves the knife into her side.   
        As Eliza falls to the floor, Alexander notices her cellphone sitting on the table. It had 911 dialed and called. It was still on, the woman on the other end worriedly asking what had happened. Alexander ends the call, sweat dripping down his forehead. The fact that he just killed his two friends sinks in at that moment. He sprints, dropping the knife. He opens the front door, hoping to get to his car so he could flee. Though, there was already a barricade of policemen outside, guns trained onto Alexander. He puts his arms in the air, yet he feels a bullet rip through his side anyways. Alexander drops to his knees, crying out until he feels a bullet fly through his skull, right between his eyes. He could vividly feel blood gush from the wound. His whole body goes numb, and he falls to his side. He watches as policemen run towards him, picking him up. Alexander then felt tired; so very tired. He closes his eyes, not even fighting to keep them open. He feels himself being laid onto a stretcher, and then everything left his senses.   
        Alexander opens his eyes, again, cursing himself for whatever was happening to himself. He rolls out of the bed he was on, landing on his hands and knees. He stands up, beginning to pound on the walls. There seemed to be no door, no window, nothing. The only item in the room was the bed. Alexander spends an hour screaming, kicking and punching the walls. Suddenly, he feels gently arms wrap around his middle. He turns, meeting John's face. Instantly he wraps his arms around him again. He murmurs quiet 'I miss you's while John just shushes him. 

        "Doctor? Someone here says he knows your patient?"   
        "Send him in."  
        "Oh my god... He looks horrible. How long has be been in here?"  
        "A week now. How do you know him?"  
        "He's my husband-- I'm John Laurens Hamilton."   
        "Why haven't you gotten here earlier?"  
        "I was in South Carolina with my family. I've texted him every day and he responded-"  
        "He wouldn't let us take his phone. He's had it with him the whole time. He wasn't acting suspicious to you?"  
        "Not at all!"  
        "Hm... Well, I'm guessing you want to know what's happened."  
        "God damnit, yes! Just fucking tell me--"  
        "Neighbors found him crawling in the street. They said he was screaming, and threatening to kill himself if someone didn't do it themselves."  
        "Why would he-"  
        "We found a trace of this... This drug we call Vynerine. It's effects last for weeks after just one dose. Have you ever seen him take any drugs?"  
        "No! Alexander was an advocate for getting people off drugs! He helped my sister stop heroine."  
        "We suspect someone forced him to take it."  
        "Why would anyone fucking force him to take drugs?"  
        "We don't know..."  
        There was a moment of silence. John watches Alexander hug the air in his room, rocking back and forth.  
        "Is... Is he going to die?" The words tasted deathly enough on his tongue.  
        "Luckily, no. The drug isn't fatal. Scientists still aren't even sure how the drug is made. But no one has ever died from it. That's probably why its becoming more popular."  
        "What are the effects?"  
        "Vivid hallucinations. People on the drug are often described as insane. They act out scenes as if they were really happening. They sleep for almost 24 hours at a time. Patients have even told me that they don't remember anything following after they took the drug. It's chemicals aren't addictive, so we aren't sure why people continue to take it."  
        "How much longer until he'll be back to normal?"  
        "A week, maybe two. It depends on how much he was given."  
        "What'll happen when he's better?"  
        "He's sent home."  
        "No police or anything? He had a drug in his system--"  
        "The drug hasn't even been around long enough for politicians to notice it. It's not illegal yet."  
        "Is there a way to find out who forced him to take it?"  
        "Asking him when he's back to normal is the only sure-fire way. Even then, he might not know."  
        "Can he see us?" John asked, putting a hand to the glass which he was viewing Alexander from.  
        "No, we can't risk him seeing familiar faces. It elicits rage. That's a two-way mirror."  
        "Well... Thank you... So much. I'm so glad he's okay."  
        "I'm just doing my job. Now, sadly we cannot let you see him again until he's better. So you will have to await a call from me within the next week to two weeks."  
        "I understand. Please take good care of him-"  
        "We will. Someone is waiting for you out the door. Please follow her to a room to answer questions about Alexander here. We need as much information as possible so we can have a better idea of what kind of hallucinations he may be having."  
        "Thank you. I'll be waiting for your call." John smiled, turning to look into the room through the glass. He stares at Alexander for a moment before leaving the room.   
        John was then taken to a neat little room, where he was sat down. He smiled to the lady, who then began to ask questions. She asked him his name, his age,and a few other things before beginning to focus her questions onto Alexander.  
        "Do you know of any traumatic events in his life?"  
        "When he was little his father left. His mother died. He was also stuck in a hurricane as a teenager."  
        "Have you ever... Been hurt? Been close to death?"  
        "Yes. I was in the military for a couple years after I first met Alex. I got shot in my ribs. I was in a coma for a few weeks, but then I woke up and everything has been fine since."  
        "We've noticed a pattern from him. He continues to hug at the air, calling whoever he was hugging 'John'."   
        "Oh god..."  
        "I'm thinking the drug has made him hallucinate that you are dead, but he sees you as a ghost. It's very complicated but it's the only logical thing we can get out of that behavior."  
        "If it's any help... Alexander has Schizophrenia."  
        "Really?" The woman jots down something on a paper. "He was acting out scene where he had been taken to a mental hospital and given medications for Schizophrenia. Do the names Elizabeth or Hercules ring a bell?"  
        "Yeah! They're our friends. While I was in the military they had taken him to a hospital after he seemed to be seeing things. Doctors said is was triggered into overdrive from stress."  
        "Was he prescribed anything?"  
        "Yes, he was given anti-psychotics."  
        "He still takes them?"  
        "Yes. I make sure he does."  
        The woman writes down a few more things.  
        "I think I have everything I need. Thank you so much."  
        "No, really. Thank you for taking care of him."  
        "It's fine, that's what we're here for."  
        Before John could stand up, the light in the room went red. An alarm began to ring out.  
        "Shit!" The woman yelled, throwing her things down and rushing out the door. John follows her, and follows her into the room he was in just minutes ago. The first thing John sees is the doctor, unconscious, on the ground. Then, he sees Alexander, surrounded by broken glass at his feet.   
        "John?" Alexander whispers. John stays still, eyes wide. The woman tries to restrain Alexander, but he bolts to John. He wraps his arms around him, forcing John back. They fall to the ground. Alexander holding tightly onto him.  
        "John, baby. John holy fuck. Get me out of here. They're trying to fucking kill me-"   
        The woman tries prying Alexander off John. "He's still hallucinating! We need to get him back to quarantine!"  
        "John, don't fucking let her take me! Believe me, please!" Alexander was standing up, pushing the woman away from him. He smashes his fist against her jaw, sending her stumbling back. Then, Alexander grabs John's hand, pulling him out of the room, and pulling him out of the building.   
        "Alex! What the fuck is going on?" John yells, running with Alexander.  
        "The fucking.. dude. He fucking drugged me. Then he brought me here. Now they're testing more drugs on me! We gotta go, we gotta leave. John where's your car!"   
        Alexander had stopped, scanning the lot for John's car. before he could spot it, a needle was pressed into his neck, and he falls limp. John catches him, holding him up.  
        "What just happened...?" John asks, out of breath. The woman was panting, holding the needle with wide eyes.   
        "I'm not sure. Come, bring him back in. He can't be out here when he wakes up."  
        John picks Alexander up, slowly walking back into the building. He sighs, pressing a kiss to Alex's cheek before setting him on a stretcher than a male had brought to the main room for them. He sighs, frowning as he watches the man wheel Alexander to a new room.   
        The nurse puts a hand on his back, sighing too.   
        "Sorry for that. Are you alright?"   
        "Yeah... Yeah I'm fine. A little shaken up."  
        "Here, this should calm you down." The woman hummed. John opens his mouth to ask what she meant, but then he felt his neck being pierced by a needle.  
        "Did you..Just..." John starts, but then his eyes close and he was gone, falling to the floor with a thud.   
        When John woke up next, Alexander was standing next to his bed.   
        "Alex..?"  
        Alexander ties a rubber length around John's arm, just above his elbow. Then, he presses an IV into John's arm.   
        "It's fine, John. Go back to sleep."   
        John wanted to argue, but he was so tired again. He passes out.  
          
        The next morning, John blinks open his eyes. He looks around, searching for anything suspicious. He was in bed, he was perfectly fine. John shudders, sighing. He would make sure to bring it up to his doctor that his new pain medication was giving him nightmares. So John gets out of bed, shuffling out of his room. He wonders where Alexander is until he hears the door opening. He sprints to the front door, grinning.   
        Alexander seemed a little frightened to see him at first, but then he wraps his arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I love you," John whispers to him. Alexander whispers it back. After a few minutes of hugging, it turned into gentle kisses. Then heated kisses. John pulls off Alexander's shirt and presses him against the wall. He watches goosebumps form over his skin. Alexander kisses him once more before opening his eyes. John sees Alexander smile, and he grins back. But then it seemed liked Alexander couldn't see him anymore. John tries cupping Alex's face, but his hand goes right through him. His eyes widen in fear, and he tries to get Alex's attention, tries to slap him, tries to kiss him. Nothing worked.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone curious, here is the full story;   
> The very beginning and very end is real. John is a ghost, and he was killed in war.   
> Alexander has Schizophrenia, and often it makes him have horrible, vivid nightmares. Most of this story was John seeing Alex's nightmares. That's why a lot of the story doesn't make sense: it's a nightmare(s).


End file.
